Love them!
Let the giggles begin.
OUT.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Dinner With the Girls Tonight!
I think today is going to be a record breaking 'Blog Post Publishing' day..... I just have so much to say about nothing. Keeping busy no?
Me: Hey computer screen, can I tell you something funny? Not funny ha ha, but funny ironic?
CS: Hey, Ya
Me: In the whole nearly 2 years that my ex and I dated I NEVER needed to go to Pretoria (He works there) for anything, and now that we are not dating, I have needed to go there about 6 times.
CS: Ha ha thats weird. Wow.
Me: I have to basically drive past his office to get to where I am going.
Me: That part BITES.
CS: Strange, but there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about that. go type somewhere else!
Me: Thanks for the kind words DOUCHE!
The conversation continues in my head,
and so I pass time....
Me: Hey computer screen, can I tell you something funny? Not funny ha ha, but funny ironic?
CS: Hey, Ya
Me: In the whole nearly 2 years that my ex and I dated I NEVER needed to go to Pretoria (He works there) for anything, and now that we are not dating, I have needed to go there about 6 times.
CS: Ha ha thats weird. Wow.
Me: I have to basically drive past his office to get to where I am going.
Me: That part BITES.
CS: Strange, but there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about that. go type somewhere else!
Me: Thanks for the kind words DOUCHE!
The conversation continues in my head,
and so I pass time....
Plastic Chic.
Thank you Pope!
Monday Night Dreaming.....
Woke up in a fowl krap mood... The 'Pit' is back....
Had a dream that my Ex was Mc Dreamy from Greys (FML), he was cooking me soup over a boiling see through cauldron (WHAT?) and then invited me to go to a Southpark dress up party.(1, I HATE soup... 2, my Ex Never cooked, except once for me on valentines day... FUCK. And 3, I love Southpark.
I miss him.
STOP!
I can't help it!
FML for real today!
Had a dream that my Ex was Mc Dreamy from Greys (FML), he was cooking me soup over a boiling see through cauldron (WHAT?) and then invited me to go to a Southpark dress up party.(1, I HATE soup... 2, my Ex Never cooked, except once for me on valentines day... FUCK. And 3, I love Southpark.
I miss him.
STOP!
I can't help it!
FML for real today!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Pro-crash-tination.
I have decided this evening that I am a procrastinator, ok ok, I have known this for a VERY long time, I just put off admitting it till now.
Crash
Burn
Fail
HMPH (!!!)
Crash
Burn
Fail
HMPH (!!!)
AHHHHHHH (!!!)
This is what happens when you combine a sick, bad tempered make up artist and a heart broken, bored to shit (!!!) Fashion Designer...............
Need I say more (?)
We made ourselves laugh for a whopping total of 22.7 seconds.
Mmmmmmm Broccoliiiiiiii.
Broccoli + No Eyebrow = Life Saver From Heaven.
We managed to make it through the evening..... alive and with a bizarre unexplained craving for broccoli (?)
Monday Funday..... Well I am trying ok!
While talking to a make up artist friend of mine that I am currently working on a job with about life's little woes, trials and tribulations, bad hair days and the life and times of Coco Chanel, he asks... "Is Chanel still alive?" I gave him a death stare of note.... he realized his faux pas and instantly pretended to know that Chanel was in fact not alive and well, eating caviar. "How did she die?" Was his next question.... I think he was afraid to ask because of my last reaction. Being in the Fashion industry, we know the harsh nature of the business and believe me when I say it is no tussle in the hay. I answered, "well, if it wasn't of old age then STRESS!"
We giggled, he told me I was funny, I felt better about my life for a brief moment and we continued plodding on with the daily grind....
Side note: I still dislike Pretoria profusely!
That's all.
Thank you for tuning into
Jolly and Jammer do Pretoria.... Bleug.. It just has no ring to it...
Oh well.
Cheerio!
We giggled, he told me I was funny, I felt better about my life for a brief moment and we continued plodding on with the daily grind....
Side note: I still dislike Pretoria profusely!
That's all.
Thank you for tuning into
Jolly and Jammer do Pretoria.... Bleug.. It just has no ring to it...
Oh well.
Cheerio!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Good Mourning (???)
HangOVER and heart not so OVER… not an awesome combination at all……
This is dedicated to my home girl OMAN…..
Out on the jol, dressed to the 10's never mind 9's, ready to consume our body mass in tequila and conquer… the dance floor…..
Step 1: Spontaneous night out decision is made
Step 2: Super mad rush to get ready
Step 3: 5 outfits on the floor later
Step 4: Lipgloss
Step 5: Ready
Step 6: Barbie Mobile
Step 7: Tunage and super Jammage
Step 8: High way
Step 9: CLUB
Step 10: Awesome.
Club.
We find a couple of her mates sitting in a rather suspicious corner being their normal and conservative selves.. uptight and MONO! (Monotone if you don't speak barbie.)
Now at this point I am ready to slash my wrists and the wrists of the guy to the left of me, and his left, and his left again, but I didnt want to get blood on my home girls ankle BOOTS. I am now at this point so liquored up…(Tea pot at Primi at lunch, and about 3-4 glasses of wine with the Joneses(Oman and Omammy) at dinner) all I wanted was my EX boyfriend and to dance….
I opted for the possible, close choice… not the impossible, far, highly unlikely, silly choice. (not so silly at the time I promise)
So… Off I stride to the dance floor to let rip, my multi layered wafer mind thinking of all sorts…. 'sore feet, booze, tequila, what is my ex doing right now, oh there goes a hottie, EEEEEEEEEW lying. what was I thinking there, something is stuck to my foot, aaaah I love this song, when can I go home, where am I again and why am I here, WOW tonight is so rad!' I could go on, but I will spare you my daily thought process….. I continue on. Dance, dance, think…. think…… dance.. think, think, think…
Eventually the threesome, (3 of the Monos) crawl out of the wood work… with a bottle of Pongraz. I look on in delight… (BAD IDEA)
We hold our own for a while a continue jamming to the beat of our hearts, oh wait, erm, I meant the dj's, when suddenly the one Mono pops up from NOWHERE and forces our mouths open and starts lugging the champers down our gullets……
WOW
Talk about taken by surprise. PONGRAZ in Face…. Abort, Abort….. (!!!)
By this point Oman is highly annoyed and irritated with this, normally, suit and tie kinda guy attitude, and passes a sly comment so only i can hear…. something like "Damn Jeremy, always going just that little bit to far to prove something, why cant he just buy a bottle of JC Le Roux and sip it out a straw like ANY other NORMAL person at a club would do????'
I giggled and carried on dancing, me and my million and one thoughts.
The evening progressed from sore feet to, "I can hardly move but I am going to drink and dance through the pain" BOY oh boy, wait, sorry, I mean, Girl oh Girl did I regret that alcohol induced thought process this scorning, sorry I mean MORNING.
(A few hours go by while writing….. I got bored)
OK, so back to my story.
The night goes on, we make friends, and we break friends… or potential friend wanna be-ers….
We LEAVE the club and crab walk/stumble to the car, trashed and LOVING life, to find the comforting face of our "Good Fellows" driver Mike, with a GIANT welcoming smile on his face. If only I could explain the pure delight of seeing just teeth as you walk into the pitch black night. ha ha. He was here to drive us to safety and end our evening off perfectly, knowing we wont be stopped by Mento Po-Po and have to cry ourselves out of jail. He made me just want to hug him. What a treat! bwhahaaaa.
By the time we were half way home, I was getting vertically acquainted with the back seat, dosing off to the sounds of Oman, who was perched on the front seat like a 4 year old with candy (Ha ha) giving Mike the 411. It was like a grilling session reminiscent of something you would experience while watching a military film of sorts.
"whats the coolest car you have ever driven? where are you from? do you have children? how many? what is your moms name? do you like cats, I like cats, do you like cats? how many people do you pick up per night, do you eat peas? has anyone ever vomited while you have been driving?"
I swear I was laughing SOOO hard in my docile state, my whole body was practically jerking.
We arrive home. Oman promptly thanking our Nigerian Knight of the Night PROFUSELY for his friendly professional manner. She was practically bowing she was so grateful. (Love her when she is pissed)
Trying to walk quietly is almost impossible in clomping heels with sore feet. We giggled and jiggled down the driveway and tried to make it up the stairs to the kitchen door, when BAM, like magic, there stands Omammy, on top of things as usual, already with the door wide open, as well as her arms, for a drunken hello-good-night-love-you-sleep-well-hug. The best kind when you are drunk, missing someone, nearly falling over and in need of some comfort.
We lay in bed giggling for a good hour. The conversation went a little something like this..
Me: BLAH bLAH BlAh… ha aha haahahaha HAHAAHAHA
O: SHHHHHHH la.
Me: SORRY, oh um sorry (tried to whisper…. i am useless at it)
O: LA SHHHHHHHHHHH….
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH, sorry, whisper whisper whisper whISPER, BLah blah BLAHHHHHHH.
We went back and forth like this for a good 20 minutes.
Ha ha, I am so useless at keeping it down… it is a gene I do NOT posses!!
Sorry OMAMMY… Oman's Mom. Who probably heard every word of our conversation.
You will never guess what happened next....
We Slept. NO WAY.
4.30am - estimated time of pass out.
8.30am - estimated time of resurfacing from deep slumber.
How fun… so not fun, so so so not fun (!!!!!!!)
So we woke up to a glass each of orange juice and the smell of eggy toast and crumpets in the air (Yum) Love Omammy.
Dragging ourselves off the mattress we had been dead to the world on(for the last 4 hours), we shuffled, heads down, like two naughty school girls to the dining room for some breakers and catch up convo.
Breakfast conversation topic….. "How were the MONO's?" set by Omammy.
We gasped and giggled, and giggled and gasped at the rehashing of the the bits and pieces we could constructively piece together and the vague memories that were not stolen by the tequila fairy and his best friend Vodka troll.
Now this is just where I was overs….. as we sat talking and filling Omammy in on the whose who and the what where and how, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Oman pipes up… 'you know, I just wanted to take that Pongraz bottle out of Jeremys hand and hit him on the head with it - he is so full of himself Mom'
BWAHHHHHAAAAAA. Just the way she said it, we have a very similar sense of humor, and way of speaking, and are rather random most times. But this particular comment just threw me off the edge. There were pieces of scrambled egg flying out my nose. I could not contain my laughter, never mind my eggy toast, as you may have noticed.
That was probably where my day took a turn, and nothing, no matter how significant, would possibly come close to that euphoric feeling of absolute laughter from the pit that morning and the night before. Thats probably what happened, the "too much fun from the night before", and the constant laughter, must have activated the pit from its temporal dormant state, and I spent the rest of the day trying to fight off my horrendous LC (Loser Complex) with rescue and red grapetizer. well it didn't work. So here I am again, writing… thinking ALOT and alone, with my thoughts… eek (!!!)
When did it all go so wrong?
What a come down.
Thanks Oman and Omammy for a RAD Saturday, and for getting me out the house and looking Jshoojsh (that sound we make when we looking saxy and hot)
PS: Fishpaste is a Party Pony, you should have seen her. GETTING OUT OF HAND I tell you (out of hand action)
Bean.
This is dedicated to my home girl OMAN…..
Out on the jol, dressed to the 10's never mind 9's, ready to consume our body mass in tequila and conquer… the dance floor…..
Step 1: Spontaneous night out decision is made
Step 2: Super mad rush to get ready
Step 3: 5 outfits on the floor later
Step 4: Lipgloss
Step 5: Ready
Step 6: Barbie Mobile
Step 7: Tunage and super Jammage
Step 8: High way
Step 9: CLUB
Step 10: Awesome.
Club.
We find a couple of her mates sitting in a rather suspicious corner being their normal and conservative selves.. uptight and MONO! (Monotone if you don't speak barbie.)
Now at this point I am ready to slash my wrists and the wrists of the guy to the left of me, and his left, and his left again, but I didnt want to get blood on my home girls ankle BOOTS. I am now at this point so liquored up…(Tea pot at Primi at lunch, and about 3-4 glasses of wine with the Joneses(Oman and Omammy) at dinner) all I wanted was my EX boyfriend and to dance….
I opted for the possible, close choice… not the impossible, far, highly unlikely, silly choice. (not so silly at the time I promise)
So… Off I stride to the dance floor to let rip, my multi layered wafer mind thinking of all sorts…. 'sore feet, booze, tequila, what is my ex doing right now, oh there goes a hottie, EEEEEEEEEW lying. what was I thinking there, something is stuck to my foot, aaaah I love this song, when can I go home, where am I again and why am I here, WOW tonight is so rad!' I could go on, but I will spare you my daily thought process….. I continue on. Dance, dance, think…. think…… dance.. think, think, think…
Eventually the threesome, (3 of the Monos) crawl out of the wood work… with a bottle of Pongraz. I look on in delight… (BAD IDEA)
We hold our own for a while a continue jamming to the beat of our hearts, oh wait, erm, I meant the dj's, when suddenly the one Mono pops up from NOWHERE and forces our mouths open and starts lugging the champers down our gullets……
WOW
Talk about taken by surprise. PONGRAZ in Face…. Abort, Abort….. (!!!)
By this point Oman is highly annoyed and irritated with this, normally, suit and tie kinda guy attitude, and passes a sly comment so only i can hear…. something like "Damn Jeremy, always going just that little bit to far to prove something, why cant he just buy a bottle of JC Le Roux and sip it out a straw like ANY other NORMAL person at a club would do????'
I giggled and carried on dancing, me and my million and one thoughts.
The evening progressed from sore feet to, "I can hardly move but I am going to drink and dance through the pain" BOY oh boy, wait, sorry, I mean, Girl oh Girl did I regret that alcohol induced thought process this scorning, sorry I mean MORNING.
(A few hours go by while writing….. I got bored)
OK, so back to my story.
The night goes on, we make friends, and we break friends… or potential friend wanna be-ers….
We LEAVE the club and crab walk/stumble to the car, trashed and LOVING life, to find the comforting face of our "Good Fellows" driver Mike, with a GIANT welcoming smile on his face. If only I could explain the pure delight of seeing just teeth as you walk into the pitch black night. ha ha. He was here to drive us to safety and end our evening off perfectly, knowing we wont be stopped by Mento Po-Po and have to cry ourselves out of jail. He made me just want to hug him. What a treat! bwhahaaaa.
By the time we were half way home, I was getting vertically acquainted with the back seat, dosing off to the sounds of Oman, who was perched on the front seat like a 4 year old with candy (Ha ha) giving Mike the 411. It was like a grilling session reminiscent of something you would experience while watching a military film of sorts.
"whats the coolest car you have ever driven? where are you from? do you have children? how many? what is your moms name? do you like cats, I like cats, do you like cats? how many people do you pick up per night, do you eat peas? has anyone ever vomited while you have been driving?"
I swear I was laughing SOOO hard in my docile state, my whole body was practically jerking.
We arrive home. Oman promptly thanking our Nigerian Knight of the Night PROFUSELY for his friendly professional manner. She was practically bowing she was so grateful. (Love her when she is pissed)
Trying to walk quietly is almost impossible in clomping heels with sore feet. We giggled and jiggled down the driveway and tried to make it up the stairs to the kitchen door, when BAM, like magic, there stands Omammy, on top of things as usual, already with the door wide open, as well as her arms, for a drunken hello-good-night-love-you-sleep-well-hug. The best kind when you are drunk, missing someone, nearly falling over and in need of some comfort.
We lay in bed giggling for a good hour. The conversation went a little something like this..
Me: BLAH bLAH BlAh… ha aha haahahaha HAHAAHAHA
O: SHHHHHHH la.
Me: SORRY, oh um sorry (tried to whisper…. i am useless at it)
O: LA SHHHHHHHHHHH….
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH, sorry, whisper whisper whisper whISPER, BLah blah BLAHHHHHHH.
We went back and forth like this for a good 20 minutes.
Ha ha, I am so useless at keeping it down… it is a gene I do NOT posses!!
Sorry OMAMMY… Oman's Mom. Who probably heard every word of our conversation.
You will never guess what happened next....
We Slept. NO WAY.
4.30am - estimated time of pass out.
8.30am - estimated time of resurfacing from deep slumber.
How fun… so not fun, so so so not fun (!!!!!!!)
So we woke up to a glass each of orange juice and the smell of eggy toast and crumpets in the air (Yum) Love Omammy.
Dragging ourselves off the mattress we had been dead to the world on(for the last 4 hours), we shuffled, heads down, like two naughty school girls to the dining room for some breakers and catch up convo.
Breakfast conversation topic….. "How were the MONO's?" set by Omammy.
We gasped and giggled, and giggled and gasped at the rehashing of the the bits and pieces we could constructively piece together and the vague memories that were not stolen by the tequila fairy and his best friend Vodka troll.
Now this is just where I was overs….. as we sat talking and filling Omammy in on the whose who and the what where and how, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Oman pipes up… 'you know, I just wanted to take that Pongraz bottle out of Jeremys hand and hit him on the head with it - he is so full of himself Mom'
BWAHHHHHAAAAAA. Just the way she said it, we have a very similar sense of humor, and way of speaking, and are rather random most times. But this particular comment just threw me off the edge. There were pieces of scrambled egg flying out my nose. I could not contain my laughter, never mind my eggy toast, as you may have noticed.
That was probably where my day took a turn, and nothing, no matter how significant, would possibly come close to that euphoric feeling of absolute laughter from the pit that morning and the night before. Thats probably what happened, the "too much fun from the night before", and the constant laughter, must have activated the pit from its temporal dormant state, and I spent the rest of the day trying to fight off my horrendous LC (Loser Complex) with rescue and red grapetizer. well it didn't work. So here I am again, writing… thinking ALOT and alone, with my thoughts… eek (!!!)
When did it all go so wrong?
What a come down.
Thanks Oman and Omammy for a RAD Saturday, and for getting me out the house and looking Jshoojsh (that sound we make when we looking saxy and hot)
PS: Fishpaste is a Party Pony, you should have seen her. GETTING OUT OF HAND I tell you (out of hand action)
Bean.
Day from HELL. Full STOP! EXCLAMATION!!
DAY from HELL, specially wrapped and packaged for one Miss. Jelly Bean.
To test patience, irritate and push to all possible limits.
I can not even begin to begin to tell you this day….
MISERABLE.
To test patience, irritate and push to all possible limits.
I can not even begin to begin to tell you this day….
MISERABLE.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Is this not MAGNIFICENT??
FANTASTIC, made my FRIDAY. Thank Goodness!
Thanks for the Friday Eve booster awesome cake lady!
HI FIVES all round!
OMG what was I thinking... (?????????)
I just realized that purple is in fact not yellow, and never will be, and now POOR Fishpaste is suffering with a WORSE case of 'Identity Crisis' then myself. GOSH how in-freaking-sensivive of me to not know the difference between YELLOW and PURPLE…. did my INTENSE interest in the colour wheel in grade one, and again in high school, AND again in College teach me NOTHING (???) I am almost sure of it…
wow, and here I am trying to build up new relationships, not alienate and irritate poor unsuspecting potential new BEST friends…
Sorry fish paste…… I will rectify this with ice-cream.
wow, and here I am trying to build up new relationships, not alienate and irritate poor unsuspecting potential new BEST friends…
Sorry fish paste…… I will rectify this with ice-cream.
The Looming Weekend Blues
The fact that Friday is in town disgusts me from deep within the pit of my stomach. Weekends have lost all appeal to me since I have been tossed to the JHB vultures to do with as they please.
There used to be a sense of warmth and belonging to a Friday, even in the dead of winter. Now however, it is the worst, most unexplainable stomach wrenching feeling in the world, there is no longer something small to look forward to, or to keep oneself hopeful and seemingly alive. Well I am alive, and I will be fine, just for now, in this second, this exact moment in time. I am not ok. (!!!)
I want to vomit!
There used to be a sense of warmth and belonging to a Friday, even in the dead of winter. Now however, it is the worst, most unexplainable stomach wrenching feeling in the world, there is no longer something small to look forward to, or to keep oneself hopeful and seemingly alive. Well I am alive, and I will be fine, just for now, in this second, this exact moment in time. I am not ok. (!!!)
I want to vomit!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Yes i took this magnificent piece of art! What a Leg... (Legend)
I know what you are all thinking....... VOMIT.
Well, whatever blows your hair back.
Fishpaste. I LOVE YOU.
FISHPASTE. my new blond friend.
The name of my newly acquired and most favorite gift. A My Little Pony doll, presented and packaged still in peak condition, by my newly adoptive pretend parents (awesome)… who are, well, basically the same age as me if you add there age and divide by ALOT (!!).
I truly feel a connection between myself and Fishpaste, we both have red faces and yellow hair, except she looks cool with her red face, mine is an unfortunate side effect of too many of the 'cry' cocktail and hyperventilation fits.….. FUN
Well we wont dive into our dashingly similar looks too deeply, I might discover that I have 4 legs and eat hay… that would just send me of the edge. Right?
You know that feeling when you are so happy you could punch some one…. well I know the latter. scary thing is I am not even a puncher, AND I am struggling to find the happy part.
I will be most ecstatic when this pit in my stomach disappears completely. Then I can go on to being the Fishpaste loving, tequila drinking, late night u turner that I know I can be…. and have been many times before.
True Story. Pit, GO AWAY!
The name of my newly acquired and most favorite gift. A My Little Pony doll, presented and packaged still in peak condition, by my newly adoptive pretend parents (awesome)… who are, well, basically the same age as me if you add there age and divide by ALOT (!!).
I truly feel a connection between myself and Fishpaste, we both have red faces and yellow hair, except she looks cool with her red face, mine is an unfortunate side effect of too many of the 'cry' cocktail and hyperventilation fits.….. FUN
Well we wont dive into our dashingly similar looks too deeply, I might discover that I have 4 legs and eat hay… that would just send me of the edge. Right?
You know that feeling when you are so happy you could punch some one…. well I know the latter. scary thing is I am not even a puncher, AND I am struggling to find the happy part.
I will be most ecstatic when this pit in my stomach disappears completely. Then I can go on to being the Fishpaste loving, tequila drinking, late night u turner that I know I can be…. and have been many times before.
True Story. Pit, GO AWAY!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Bah HUMBUG.
(Thought process involved when deciding on a name for my blog a couple of days ago... MIND BLOWING... I know)
I NEED A NAME……. The world is my OYSTER…. and I am allergic to Shell fish……
no that cant be right….. can it? Well with my luck. Yes.
Mushy Peas was taken, so I settled for life is a journey, don't vomit in your own car.
I need some sleep…. COFFEE any one?
your mother is a crack whore, would you like Paul, he-fill-her? (Polyfiller if you are not as tormented as me, I love a good old play on words, even if i have to explain in brackets)
BoyzSmellFunny..... EUREKA!!!!
I am no English A +++ student, and I don't have the super massivist vocavalry, nor do I know of, or own a fleet of horses with aggressively fighting men on their backs either. Butt, BUT, and I say that in the least offensive way, I have a sense of……. DUTY towards my fellow Break Upees to make you cry….. with tears of firkin humorous GOLD Mother UKKERS..… oh shit, that reminded me of my ex. Dope!
Bah HUMBUG!
I NEED A NAME……. The world is my OYSTER…. and I am allergic to Shell fish……
no that cant be right….. can it? Well with my luck. Yes.
Mushy Peas was taken, so I settled for life is a journey, don't vomit in your own car.
I need some sleep…. COFFEE any one?
your mother is a crack whore, would you like Paul, he-fill-her? (Polyfiller if you are not as tormented as me, I love a good old play on words, even if i have to explain in brackets)
BoyzSmellFunny..... EUREKA!!!!
I am no English A +++ student, and I don't have the super massivist vocavalry, nor do I know of, or own a fleet of horses with aggressively fighting men on their backs either. Butt, BUT, and I say that in the least offensive way, I have a sense of……. DUTY towards my fellow Break Upees to make you cry….. with tears of firkin humorous GOLD Mother UKKERS..… oh shit, that reminded me of my ex. Dope!
Bah HUMBUG!
Heart break happens, I wish it would DIE!
So the drama continues….. I wake up, I want to fall down, I lie down, I want to throw up….. can some one please explain….. why cant down just be down and up just be up….. GEEZ like, the headblasting back lash of a break up. Enough to drive one, well pretty much NO WHERE.
I need a......... distraction..... BLOG!
I need a......... distraction..... BLOG!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Big Bang Theory.... on how my blog came to exist.... not the ENTIRE universe.
The Big Bang Theory.... on how my blog came to exist.... not the ENTIRE universe, this I will however, try prove in the process................ or not.
Ok, so I recently broke up with my boyfriend of la la years and dud months, to realize….. MUST WRITE BLOG NOW…… just throw down all the thoughts, delusions and misfortune that follows me through the "Lonely years", after which I will die at around age 60… with cats…. wait I am more of a dog person……. cats it is, coz I never get what I want…..
Which brings me to chronicle 1, the unfortunate times of MY JOB, MY CAREER, MY BLEUGNESS. Love and loathe the blasted thing, but just cant seem to get a tight enough grasp on it to make it listen to me, the next pet I am getting will be named JOB, yes, and it will do PRECISELY as I say, NOT the other way around.
It is funny how when you offer a client a service, and not a physical actual OBJECT, that they can eat, snort or make calls from, INSTANTLY, the whole of Joburg and their Aunties want everything for free.
LIKE HELLO….. a girl (recent relationship evictee) yours truly, has got to eat, well not for the next 3 months until the heart strings are kind of mended, but at some point this year….(preferably before the 3 month "mending" period, I'm STARVING).
Me - "Give me details on what service out of our MANY options you require, then we can discuss budget and get a quote to you ASAP"…… Silence on the other end…. "excuse me, Mrs Tight Fist, are you there?" "Hello"….. "Oh sorry I was under the impression you work ''PRO BONO" (Lawyers terms for FREE… he he always wanted to say that) Well I am no Lawyer Lady, and by the time this call is done, I will most probably need one…. I don't think the kind of profanities I was 'neatly packaging, post dating and sending' at her through the handset ,of my amazing BB, were legal, well, NOWHERE!. I really don't see how people and their minds work, or don't in this case, really now….
"Just to let you know, on acceptance of this job, you will be remunerated (fancy word for 'pay') in 'BEEP Product.'" so I say "Oh no worries TOTALLY RAD, I am sure Vodacom and my insurers would love to be paid in your marvelous 'BEEP Product, it is such a lovely product, you should 'pay' us more often with this delightful life enhancing……STUPID PRODUCT."
Its ok, I live solely off oxygen and CO2 emissions, run my car off H2O and I trade the Head of my medical aid scheme a Sunday trip to his mothers old age home to read to her, in turn for my Hospital Plan and Medical benefits… it works out quite nicely. I just wish he had more mothers……
HMPH......
Ok, so I recently broke up with my boyfriend of la la years and dud months, to realize….. MUST WRITE BLOG NOW…… just throw down all the thoughts, delusions and misfortune that follows me through the "Lonely years", after which I will die at around age 60… with cats…. wait I am more of a dog person……. cats it is, coz I never get what I want…..
Which brings me to chronicle 1, the unfortunate times of MY JOB, MY CAREER, MY BLEUGNESS. Love and loathe the blasted thing, but just cant seem to get a tight enough grasp on it to make it listen to me, the next pet I am getting will be named JOB, yes, and it will do PRECISELY as I say, NOT the other way around.
It is funny how when you offer a client a service, and not a physical actual OBJECT, that they can eat, snort or make calls from, INSTANTLY, the whole of Joburg and their Aunties want everything for free.
LIKE HELLO….. a girl (recent relationship evictee) yours truly, has got to eat, well not for the next 3 months until the heart strings are kind of mended, but at some point this year….(preferably before the 3 month "mending" period, I'm STARVING).
Me - "Give me details on what service out of our MANY options you require, then we can discuss budget and get a quote to you ASAP"…… Silence on the other end…. "excuse me, Mrs Tight Fist, are you there?" "Hello"….. "Oh sorry I was under the impression you work ''PRO BONO" (Lawyers terms for FREE… he he always wanted to say that) Well I am no Lawyer Lady, and by the time this call is done, I will most probably need one…. I don't think the kind of profanities I was 'neatly packaging, post dating and sending' at her through the handset ,of my amazing BB, were legal, well, NOWHERE!. I really don't see how people and their minds work, or don't in this case, really now….
"Just to let you know, on acceptance of this job, you will be remunerated (fancy word for 'pay') in 'BEEP Product.'" so I say "Oh no worries TOTALLY RAD, I am sure Vodacom and my insurers would love to be paid in your marvelous 'BEEP Product, it is such a lovely product, you should 'pay' us more often with this delightful life enhancing……STUPID PRODUCT."
Its ok, I live solely off oxygen and CO2 emissions, run my car off H2O and I trade the Head of my medical aid scheme a Sunday trip to his mothers old age home to read to her, in turn for my Hospital Plan and Medical benefits… it works out quite nicely. I just wish he had more mothers……
HMPH......
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